The gifts of Courageous Authenticity

The German Executive Team of a leading Pharmaceutical Company was having its annual end-of-year retreat, to discuss the year about to end, and some major organizational changes foreseen for the year to come.

As part of this 2 days meeting, participants were involved in a team exercise, facilitated by a leadership coach. As part of this exercise, everyone was invited to share a bit of their background story, although most of the people involved had known each other for several years.

After a couple of stories, Matthew’s* turn came.

He seemed reluctant at first, but then, almost out of the blue, he shared about his son having been diagnosed with a serious illness. He also shared how handling this very difficult personal situation had consumed his energy and diverted his attention, and that he was afraid he hadn’t been performing as expected as Business Unit Head in the past year, and that he was deeply worried for the year to come, afraid of not being able to handle the rising expectations about his BU.

There was a deep, deep silence, you could almost hear people breathing.

From then on, the conversation went on a totally different level, not only regarding the depth to which people went in sharing their own stories, but the openness and vulnerability that they showed in admitting what was worrying them and keeping them awake at night.

It was an incredible, open, wholehearted discussion the team had never had before.

I was lucky enough to be that coach, and to witness that moment.

How common it is for people working together for several years, to actually know each other very little on a more personal level?

How often do we wear armor in the workplace, and never truly share our fears, nor our joys?

However, research and data show that Vulnerability is one of the most important leadership traits, and is an enabling factor for other essential leadership competencies

I particularly want to highlight here the strong link between Vulnerability, Courageous Authenticity and Caring connection.

Dr. Brené Brown (researcher and best-selling author, who has dedicated years of research on these topics) defines Vulnerability as “Uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure”.
Vulnerability is thus the necessary friend of Courageous Authenticity.
Using the definitions of the Leadership Circle®, Courageous Authenticity is defined as “the willingness to take tough stands, bring up the un-discussables, openly deal with relationship problems, and share personal feelings about a situation”.

I see that it is definitely easier said than done, and we are often reluctant to share in particular our uncomfortable emotions.

But, as research shows, we cannot selectively numb emotions. When we try to numb grief, pain, sadness… we end up numbing other emotions as well, and we numb joy and happiness.

Sharing our personal feelings, though sometimes uncomfortable, is also the real gateway to building Trust and Connection.

In her viral TED Talk in 2010 about the Power of Vulnerability and in her book “Dare to Lead”, Dr Brown states that, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, to REALLY be seen for who we are.
Caring connection, and the ability to form warm, caring relationships, is therefore a result of authenticity, of letting go of who we think we SHOULD be in order to be who we are.

The good news is that Vulnerability is a skill that we can learn and develop, and that it is highly contagious.

As I witnessed in the Executive Team meeting I wrote about earlier, once Matthew opened the door for a deeper, more personal discussion, it was a tsunami. Others started sharing and the conversation deepened to a totally different level and meaning.
The Team was able to address a few elephants that had been circling unnoticed around the room, and to pave a way forward that would build a more trustful and psychologically safe environment not only for them but for the whole Affiliate.

My closing reflection points:

• As leaders, how could we role model vulnerability and create a ripple effect?
• Are we still holding on to a belief that being vulnerable means being weak?
• Does asking for help sound unprofessional and a sign of not being enough?
• How ready are we to embrace the risk, stay in the hard conversations, expose ourselves by asking for feedback, or giving feedback when it’s hard?
  

Let’s have a courageous discussion around it!

*Real story, fake names/country