OOPS… I did it again!

STORY 1

You just participated in an inspiring leadership training where you had a striking A-ha moment regarding your leadership.

You realised that too often you don’t leave your direct reports enough space to grow, you are always overseeing everything, thus also struggling with your own work-life balance.

You left that workshop room full of great intentions about how differently you will lead from now on.

And it worked beautifully for a while.

You explicitly refused to participate in a few meetings letting your team lead them, you let them take initiative even when you didn’t fully agree with their ideas.

But then… the dreadful budget approval process starts right when the newly appointed big boss comes for a full week to meet you and her other first lines, you start fearing that the presentation for her is not as ready and shiny as you hoped for and… “OOPS… I DID IT AGAIN!” It's up to you to fix everything before it is too late. You feel it in your guts and before you even realise it, you have redone overnight the whole presentation, much to the surprise and disappointment of your team who has worked so hard on it.

STORY 2

You have received the results of a 360° assessment which, much in line with previous feedback you received from your boss, shows that people appreciate your creativity and innovative ideas, but invite you to dare sharing those more in larger settings, taking more risk and not being afraid to be more in the spotlight.

This feedback does not surprise you. The simple word "spotlight" actually makes you uncomfortable, reminding you of the piano concerts you were forced by your music teacher to perform on stage as a kid.

At the same time, you realise it is time to do something about it, as this fear of being visible and speaking up in larger, higher-stakes settings is becoming a real limit to your own and your team’s growth.

As a first step, you commit to organise a series of round-tables around innovation within your Business Unit.

You couldn't sleep the night before the first event, and your mouth went so dry you had to continuously drink from your water-bottle, but each time it went a bit better, and you were really happy with yourself.

And then... “OOPS… I DID IT AGAIN!”
A reorganization makes you move to a totally new Business Unit. You are the only woman in the leadership team here, and probably the youngest too.

Without even realising it, you go back to being always the quiet one in meetings, keeping the best ideas for yourself and daring only to share them one-on-one with a trusted colleague afterwards.

You know this is not who you want to be, you know you are not contributing as much as you could, but you also fear of being rejected by the new group, and you tell yourself once you settle in you will start speaking up more. But months go by...

Does any of these sound familiar?

Let's acknowledge it: CHANGE IS HARD! IT IS VERY HARD! FOR EVERYONE.

Don't believe in the super-hero stories of people that just push their fears aside and fly happily and successfully towards the stars!

Don't believe in success stories that look like linear paths from 0 to 10 without any failures, regrets, or self-doubt!

The reality is that deciding to change and making beautiful plans are great necessary starting points, but they are not per se enough to really make change stick in the long run.

Your inner beliefs and own triggers will try to bring you back to the "known" behaviours, which give you certainty and a sense of safety and protection.

In order to make change stick there are, I believe, 2 necessary ingredients:

Persistence and Self compassion.

You might fail in your attempts, but that doesn't make you a failure.

Stop comparing yourself with idealistic models and "perfect others" and be grateful for your attempts to do something hard and impactful such as embarking on a change journey.

It is only through self-compassion that you are able to get up again and not feel discouraged by all the hurdles that you will find along your path

Accountability partner

Sharing your intent with someone who hears you, can give you support, feedback, and keep you accountable on your own path not only makes your path doable, but also makes it easier (and maybe even fun!)

This is why coaching can be so powerful. It can provide you a safe, non-judgmental space to build your plan, experiment, share, reflect and re-adjust, without losing focus, hope or energy along the way.

If what you are looking for is this safe space where you feel at the same time welcomed and challenged, gently pushed to test your growth edge, reach out and I'd love to create and hold this safe space for you!

Picture credit Сергей Корчанов from Pixabay