Ghezzi Coaching

Evolving Leadership. Together.

  • Home
  • About me
    • My Mission
    • My background
    • More about me
  • About you
  • Work with me
    • Individual coaching
      • Boost
      • Focus and jump
      • Explore and Fly
    • Leadership Assessment
    • Work with teams
  • Walk&Grow
  • Blog
  • NEW – Video
  • Testimonials
  • Get in touch

Learning to stay in the mud

Home / Uncategorized / Learning to stay in the mud
October 24, 2022

id-641d63beea179

Learning to stay in the mud

Image_Blog nr 27

All of us who have kids have heard a thousand times the recommendation not to protect our kids too much: let them experiment for themselves, learn, fall, get back up and figure out a better way to go on.

But how does it feel to stand there, see them struggle in the muddy pond, and not jump in to help them get out? To me, it just feels painful.

While it is certainly common to be a bit over-protecting with our kids, I personally feel this way in many other situations as well, in private as well as professional life.

When I see someone struggling, my immediate reaction is to jump in and help them out.

The hardest part of being a coach, for me, is staying with clients while they share their struggles and challenges and not trying to move them into problem-solving mode, or even worse trying to solve their struggles for them. In other words… staying in the uncomfortable mud.

If you know anything about the Enneagram Personality Test, you might correctly guess I am The Helper.

The positive energy I get when I help others to overcome challenges and get a bit closer to their dreams, is most likely one of the reasons I decided to become a Coach.

Nothing wrong about being the Helper, but while acknowledging my good intentions, something made me aware that I might have been overplaying my strength.

A couple of months ago I participated in a workshop where participants were asked to check-in sharing their thoughts and feelings regarding a very challenging topic related to climate change.
I heard despair, frustration, and even rage.

The facilitator was able to just Hold the space and STAY with these feelings, without offering comfort, inviting action, or proposing solutions.

I was extremely uncomfortable.

I know how important is to share, and let other people share, our feelings, even when they are very difficult.
Yet, when these feelings are expressed, I feel the urge to do something about it, either by comforting people in their grief, helping them find a solution (or at least a first tiny step towards a solution), or inviting them to consider different perspectives or alternatives for action.

This was a big learning moment for me.

I realised my impulse to help find a “solution” that will bring people back to their joyful cheerful selves helps ME to get out of my discomfort but sometimes doesn’t help OTHERS to really dig into their feelings, stay there and move eventually on at their own pace.

Why am I so vulnerably sharing my experience with you?

Because I believe I am not alone, and that some of you might also be overplaying their Helper’s strength, to the point that it actually becomes a liability.

Next time you find yourself in a situation in which you feel the urge to jump in and help people regain their smile, try to ask yourself:

  • Is getting into problem-solving and spirit-uplifting mode useful for them, right now, or do they just need time to sit with their uncomfortable feelings, might that be sadness, fear, grief, anger, disappointment… ?
  • Can my always-helper mode be energy draining after a while, if I am not careful in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries?

 

Learning how to stay in the mud, just breathing and being.
Want to join this discovery path?


coaching blog emotional agility self-awareness

Leave Comment Cancel Reply

(will not be shared)

PrevLet your voice be heard!
NextFrom Helpless to Helpful

Recent posts

  • Digging deeper March 13, 2023
  • Playing with the Four Elements January 25, 2023
  • Experimenting with our beginner’s mind December 12, 2022
  • From Helpless to Helpful November 17, 2022
  • Learning to stay in the mud October 24, 2022
  • Let your voice be heard! September 22, 2022
  • Training like tardigrades September 5, 2022
  • Spiny like a cactus August 24, 2022
  • The “Shoulds” on our shell June 20, 2022
  • The super-power of laughter May 23, 2022

Mailchimp Newsletter

You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the link in the footer of our emails. For information about our privacy practices, please visit our website.

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By clicking below to subscribe, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp's privacy practices here.

Oldest Posts

  • Digging deeper

    March 13, 2023
  • Playing with the Four Elements

    January 25, 2023
  • Experimenting with our beginner’s mind

    December 12, 2022
  • From Helpless to Helpful

    November 17, 2022
  • Learning to stay in the mud

    October 24, 2022
  • Let your voice be heard!

    September 22, 2022
  • Training like tardigrades

    September 5, 2022
  • Spiny like a cactus

    August 24, 2022
  • The “Shoulds” on our shell

    June 20, 2022
  • The super-power of laughter

    May 23, 2022
  • Embracing happiness

    April 25, 2022
  • The gifts of Courageous Authenticity

    March 23, 2022
  • Who is this type of person?

    February 2, 2022
  • Fight or Flight?

    January 10, 2022
  • Feeding Feedback

    December 13, 2021
  • Give yourself a break

    November 1, 2021
  • The bitter-sweet taste of transitions

    September 15, 2021
  • Looking for the blueberries in life

    August 18, 2021
  • The side effects of (over) protecting yourself

    June 9, 2021
  • How can Curiosity and Plan B support in navigating uncertainty?

    April 16, 2021
  • Letting go of old leadership habits

    March 12, 2021
  • What do a book by a Holocaust survivor and a Disney movie have in common?

    February 2, 2021
  • The struggle to remain curious during dark times

    January 8, 2021
  • Do less to Be more

    December 9, 2020
  • The courage to be with our emotions

    November 16, 2020

Evolving Leadership. Together.

  • Kettenackerweg 29, 4125 Riehen Switzerland
  • +41 77 976 58 93
  • ghezzicoaching@gmail.com

You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the link in the footer of our emails. For information about our privacy practices, please visit our website.

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By clicking below to subscribe, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp's privacy practices here.

© copyright 2020 all rights reserved by Ghezzi Coaching