Fight or Flight?

Does it ever happen to you, in a very stressful situation, to overreact, and later regret you have been so aggressive to those around you, or to be frozen on your feet, and just later find a whole array of effective actions you could have taken instead?

What happens is what psychologist Daniel Goleman in his “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ” defines as amygdala hijack, which is an emotional response to stress that can in simpler terms be translated into the “fight or flight” response.

As science tells us, our amygdala is the most “primitive” part of our brain, the one that wants to keep us safe, and react quickly to threats in order to keep us alive, either by fighting for survival or fleeing to safety.

When the amygdala perceives a threat, it floods the brain with the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline.

Very useful when we were in caves and found a predator near the entrance… no need to overthink it, just grab a spear and defend yourself, or run away if you can. But now… there aren’t many saber-toothed tigers around, and yet we still find ourselves reacting to threats in much a similar way.

The problem is, whether a threat is real or imagined, the chemical changes in our brain are the same, and as stress hormones like cortisol rise, the prefrontal cortex, the more “evolved” part of our brain, where reasoning and logic occurs, shuts down, and we are no more able to reason, empathize, and connect as usual.

Much has been written and researched around this topic. I just want to share here a few, very simple and practical tips that I practice myself and share with my coachees, and that usually work in breaking this negative cycle:

1- Become aware of when you are getting hijacked.
What is your physical reaction? Rapid heartbeat, sweaty hands, shallow breath, flushed face, clenched throat… it might show up differently for each one, so become aware of how your body reacts

2- Stop and intentionally concentrate on your body and breath to calm down and then be able to proceed to the following steps

3- Ask yourself what is the real risk in the situation, and give it a rating from 1 (lowest risk) to 10 (highest risk, life-threatening). This will help you to put things in perspective.

This is far from saying that having harsh confrontations with a colleague, feeling your opinion being dismissed in a meeting, not receiving appreciation for an important work done, or being prevented to seeing your family for months due to covid restrictions are not important just because there are worse evils.

They are indeed important because they are important to you!

By all means, allow yourself to feel whatever emotion comes up (rage, frustration, grief…), and at the same time use the information that your emotion is giving you not to get frozen on the spot but to move from there.

4- Ask yourself what you can do to lower the impact just one step down.

Let’s say that your position is at risk due to company restructuring, and you have a family to maintain.

Definitely sounds like a tough (and sadly very common) situation to be in, you may for example rate it 8 on a 1-10 scale.
Many people I see either freeze, paralyzed by fear of the future and a sense of inadequacy, or fight, by getting into often very unproductive and frustrating tensions with HR or Supervisors.

It might indeed seem overwhelming to have the perspective to start all over again, and look for a new job.

Instead of wanting to solve the whole issue all at once, I would suggest instead taking a first step and asking yourself what can you do to lower the risk just one point down, to a 7.

Maybe is going to the first meeting of a professional network you used to be part of, maybe is making a list of present and former colleagues that you might call and check-in with, maybe is checking what kind of training or coaching your company can provide to help you upskill and focus… Little easier steps.

5- Start taking action by focusing one step at a time.

Be consistent in your efforts, and build a good support network of friends, colleagues, or family that can sustain you in your effort.

If you don’t have this support network in place, this is probably a great place to start!

After the cycle is finished and things have calmed down, try to reflect on what triggered your Fight or Flight response in the first place.

Once you are able to identify the warning signs and triggers, you may be able to more easily prepare for the next time you find yourself in a similar situation.